Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
