Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
