Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
When are your genitals available?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
