i wish my penis had a tongue
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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