I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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