Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
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