I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize