You made me cry and you don't even care
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
