my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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