So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
