Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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