After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
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I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
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I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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