Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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