we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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