So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
