pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
my shit smells like andre
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Randomize
