I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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