I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
