Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
