I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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