he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
