im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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