I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
