No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
