Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
