I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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