Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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