In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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