i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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