Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
