but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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