I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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