i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
