he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize
