I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
