I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
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So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
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There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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