If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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