my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
