No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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