i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
