thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You pole danced in your parka.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
