Sponge bath it is.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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