Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
