i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
