you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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