I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
