i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
