I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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