how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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