ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I've blown a few things in my day
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
