Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
