she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
