id be glad to
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
