A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
