I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
