Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize