If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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