I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
