break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
