Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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