I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
